57. Hate everything.
I hate wanting to bang my head against walls all the time. I hate thinking about banging my head against walls all the time because it gives me a headache. I hate procrastinating. I hate being sad. I hate feeling constricted around my throat and temples. I hate knowing there's delicious food I am not allowed to eat. I hate having to deal with my own problems when I'd much rather help others'. I hate posting about being sad. I'm probably going to delete this once I'm happy. I hate thinking about him. I hate what he's done to me. I hate feeling alone. I hate the porcelain Japanese figure in the garden. I hate running out of tea. I hate my heart suffering. I hate my head.
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Monday, 19 March 2012
73. Examine wounds
After two hours of learning stage combat yesterday, I woke up with my limbs throbbing. The back of my thighs wreck, my upper arms are battered, my ribs are painful and my joints are sore. Everything seems to be aching, and bruises seem to be late at yellowing under my skin. Also, I'm wasting time, so what other past injuries can I find...scar on my upper right thigh (severely attacked by the backseat of a car...don't ask), scar on my left calf (coming off a stage and scraping my leg across the corner of it), little scar on forehead (landed face-first on concrete gravel), and various bruising here and there. Wow, is that the time?
After two hours of learning stage combat yesterday, I woke up with my limbs throbbing. The back of my thighs wreck, my upper arms are battered, my ribs are painful and my joints are sore. Everything seems to be aching, and bruises seem to be late at yellowing under my skin. Also, I'm wasting time, so what other past injuries can I find...scar on my upper right thigh (severely attacked by the backseat of a car...don't ask), scar on my left calf (coming off a stage and scraping my leg across the corner of it), little scar on forehead (landed face-first on concrete gravel), and various bruising here and there. Wow, is that the time?
Friday, 16 March 2012
19. The '8' game on calculator in mathematics
This is a 'brilliant' creation I invented when maths was a complete an utter fatigue. I was watching the clock hands slowly twist around the edges, picking my nails, marking the work I'd completed so far in red ink at the back of the textbook (glancing at the answers on the way), when I needed a new tactic. So, I came up with a game. Here's how it goes:
-Your right thumb is on the DEL button, and your left thumb is on the 8.
-Press down on both at the same time non-stop ferociously.
-End when either a line of 8s are across the screen, or there are none left.
Basically its a competition between your hands as individuals (I like making them argue with each other afterwards). After years of wasting time during maths classes, this is the outcome.
This is a 'brilliant' creation I invented when maths was a complete an utter fatigue. I was watching the clock hands slowly twist around the edges, picking my nails, marking the work I'd completed so far in red ink at the back of the textbook (glancing at the answers on the way), when I needed a new tactic. So, I came up with a game. Here's how it goes:
-Your right thumb is on the DEL button, and your left thumb is on the 8.
-Press down on both at the same time non-stop ferociously.
-End when either a line of 8s are across the screen, or there are none left.
Basically its a competition between your hands as individuals (I like making them argue with each other afterwards). After years of wasting time during maths classes, this is the outcome.
Thursday, 15 March 2012
10. Kill time with homework/facebook (either other, makes no difference anyway)
I seriously have an evening schedule of this mix every day. Switch back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, endlessly. Its a bad habit, I know. It used to be really terrible in the past when I'd spend hours on facebook to find it was 10pm, my eyes were square, my homework had not even been attempted and I was extraordinarily tired. Now I actually manage to get serious focused work done before having a break on facebook inbetween, yet I still have the switching habit. I don't even want to talk about facebook. Sometimes it just feels like I am wasting my time on it when I have princes to rescue and dragons to slay...but wait, that's the point isn't it?
I seriously have an evening schedule of this mix every day. Switch back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, endlessly. Its a bad habit, I know. It used to be really terrible in the past when I'd spend hours on facebook to find it was 10pm, my eyes were square, my homework had not even been attempted and I was extraordinarily tired. Now I actually manage to get serious focused work done before having a break on facebook inbetween, yet I still have the switching habit. I don't even want to talk about facebook. Sometimes it just feels like I am wasting my time on it when I have princes to rescue and dragons to slay...but wait, that's the point isn't it?
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
'How To Waste Time'.
It seems life would seem easier if I just let you in on my list. Though not each and every. I have analyzed and edited it down to my mere favorites. Still, twis a fair quantity:
1. Ignore teacher/parent/sibling/friend
2. Contrariwise, listen to teacher/parent/sibling/friend
6. Dance with the vacuum cleaner to really loud music plugged in your ears
7. Stare at the sky
10. Kill time with homework/facebook (either other, makes no difference anyway)
11. Bake as soon as you wake up/just before you sleep
14. Play 'Playlist 7'
15. Eat nuts and dried cranberries
16. Drink tea all the time
18. Write lists on 'How To Waste Time'
19. The '8' game on calculator in mathematics
20. Thinking about him
21. Have a rumpus
22. Draw on skin, often
23. Imagine the best thing that could ever happen to you in that moment, happening
25. Shuffle through mind
27. Distract self by spending time with others
28. Waste time wasting time
29. Do nothing
33. Find a photocopier and take prints of yourself against the glass
36. Spend time with the people you love
38. Think. A lot. Then write it down = wasting time
39. Listen to the seconds pass by
40. Count smells throughout the day
41. Refer to this when needing to waste time
42. Kill it
44. Play with little sisters
49. Sleep
57. Hate everything
58. Love everything
59. Learn to juggle
62. Perform a puppet show to yourself
63. Stalk people via internet/real life/the universe
64. Repeatedly pretend to die
65. Spend a day pretending to be something you're not
66. Make origami
67. Take advantage of an empty street
72. Ask "What would Luna do?"
73. Examine wounds
74. Lose yourself in another
75. Watch/don't watch intense media
77. Tightrope on roof
78. Dispose of stressfulness ASAP
81. Try to use this list
83. Learn French
^P.S There are loafs more
1. Ignore teacher/parent/sibling/friend
2. Contrariwise, listen to teacher/parent/sibling/friend
6. Dance with the vacuum cleaner to really loud music plugged in your ears
7. Stare at the sky
10. Kill time with homework/facebook (either other, makes no difference anyway)
11. Bake as soon as you wake up/just before you sleep
14. Play 'Playlist 7'
15. Eat nuts and dried cranberries
16. Drink tea all the time
18. Write lists on 'How To Waste Time'
19. The '8' game on calculator in mathematics
20. Thinking about him
21. Have a rumpus
22. Draw on skin, often
23. Imagine the best thing that could ever happen to you in that moment, happening
25. Shuffle through mind
27. Distract self by spending time with others
28. Waste time wasting time
29. Do nothing
33. Find a photocopier and take prints of yourself against the glass
36. Spend time with the people you love
38. Think. A lot. Then write it down = wasting time
39. Listen to the seconds pass by
40. Count smells throughout the day
41. Refer to this when needing to waste time
42. Kill it
44. Play with little sisters
49. Sleep
57. Hate everything
58. Love everything
59. Learn to juggle
62. Perform a puppet show to yourself
63. Stalk people via internet/real life/the universe
64. Repeatedly pretend to die
65. Spend a day pretending to be something you're not
66. Make origami
67. Take advantage of an empty street
72. Ask "What would Luna do?"
73. Examine wounds
74. Lose yourself in another
75. Watch/don't watch intense media
77. Tightrope on roof
78. Dispose of stressfulness ASAP
81. Try to use this list
83. Learn French
^P.S There are loafs more
The Beginning.
The time is 15.06 on Wednesday 14th March 2012. It is Origami Day. Seems like a perfect time for 66) Make origami on my list. Yet I thought I was going to post this list in order...No, it seems not. I am creating a list. This is why I am posting. I have 83 things on my list so far. It began with a question that appeared in my mind a few weeks ago: How am I going to kill time while I wait? Even I don't fully understand what the context of this question was.
And then, a few days later, Frank came along. He merely was an imaginary character I created in my head, same as all the rest I have ever created. Soon to fly away with the rest. And yet, he stayed. I found him when I came home the next day. Hanging about in the closet. This was a Tuesday, and yet his presence was around me often. And so, I tried conversing with him on Wednesday. I felt so pointless at the time, had no clue with what all the mess swimming inside my skull. I talked to a friend about it on an eve following, and speaking about him I could literally feel his body rise and fall with his breathing under my bed.
Only on Friday did I realize I was sleep-deprived. After coming home I had a two-hour nap on my parents' quilt covers, shattered from the late nights and work stress following me as I went throughout the week. So, in the end, basically I was hallucinating this guy. But even though I've had my lack of slumber sorted out, Frank is still here. Together we have come up with a way to work with each other, calling it the 'Operation'. So it starts, with a list.
Please contribute any ideas I could add to my list, children of the world. Otherwise I'll have to invent more imaginary friends to do it for me.
And then, a few days later, Frank came along. He merely was an imaginary character I created in my head, same as all the rest I have ever created. Soon to fly away with the rest. And yet, he stayed. I found him when I came home the next day. Hanging about in the closet. This was a Tuesday, and yet his presence was around me often. And so, I tried conversing with him on Wednesday. I felt so pointless at the time, had no clue with what all the mess swimming inside my skull. I talked to a friend about it on an eve following, and speaking about him I could literally feel his body rise and fall with his breathing under my bed.
Only on Friday did I realize I was sleep-deprived. After coming home I had a two-hour nap on my parents' quilt covers, shattered from the late nights and work stress following me as I went throughout the week. So, in the end, basically I was hallucinating this guy. But even though I've had my lack of slumber sorted out, Frank is still here. Together we have come up with a way to work with each other, calling it the 'Operation'. So it starts, with a list.
Please contribute any ideas I could add to my list, children of the world. Otherwise I'll have to invent more imaginary friends to do it for me.
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